Dating. We've all been there.
Well, actually, I am newly there. As in, I never dated before the past few months. I married out of high school, and we didn't really actually "date". We high school dated: ate lunch together, played similar sports, and made out in the stairwell before the bus ran. In fact, I have never been on a "date" where someone plans it, picks me up, pays for my meal, etc.
So, naturally, I'm a little rusty. There are some tricks I don't know to steer clear of, and the more I talk to and meet people the more aware I am of the tricks.
This week, though, it's not so much a trick as a statement of truth. I have always heard, "If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you." I know this to be true, and I share the mantra faithfully to anyone willing to hear. Now, I will add a new one to the ranks, "If they lie to you once, they will lie to you again... and again... and again."
Maybe it needs to be shortened or tweaked, but you get the concept.
The guy will remain unnamed, but the story holds true. I met someone, we stated "clearly" what we expected from each other. He didn't want commitment right now, maybe in 5 months or so. OK, cool. I was newly divorced, and I could do this. This would work.
We would talk about being exclusive. "We will see," he told me knowing I had hope.
Turns out, he changed his mind and neglected to tell me we wouldn't be committing to each other. That was the first hard blow to take. I was crushed, but the circumstances under which he told me left me with little options. So I sucked it up, held back the tears, and stayed the night anyways.
Then, he informed me exclusivity wasn't even really something he was thinking about. Just a nice little phrase to shut me up a little while longer. How sweet.
I guess it's because this person had become my best friend that it hurt so badly. Or maybe it was because I realized something breathtaking: he didn't treat me any different than he did any other woman on Instagram or Twitter. I was just another woman on a newsfeed that he called on when he was bored and kept in contact with because I asked him to.
I'm shattered. My heart is really broken. I fell for him so fast and out of no where that I didn't realize it was even really happening.
I have grown through this, though. Here are some key words of advice to keep close to you while dating.
1. Don't make someone a priority when they make you an option. If he doesn't know if he "feels like" being around you, drop him like a hot potato. He isn't worth the pain.
2. If he expects you to handle him treating you like crap sometimes, but he explodes the first time you step out of line, drop him like yesterday's news.
3. If he never makes an effort to come see you and expects you to travel or go where ever he wants to see him, drop him like a turd in a toilet.
4. If he trash talks everyone and things you love, drop him like Khloe should drop he-who-shall-not-be-named.
You know what, just drop him and stay single... Kidding.
There are great men out there. In fact, I lost a few just by giving this guy a chance. We all do it at some point or another.
But remember one thing to be true: all things work together for the greater good. God has some weird plan no matter what happens in my life.
That guy? He's not a terrible person. In fact, he has a beautiful heart. He listens, he cares, and he does love in a weird way. He just has issues like the rest of us, and he wants to deal with them the best way he knows how. He is hurting people in the process, but I don't believe it's intentional.
Love yourself first and foremost so that you don't allow someone else to mistreat you and you lose the respect for yourself that has taken you so long to build up. You owe yourself that much.
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