Here's the thing about me that not many people know: I throw the best pity parties. They last longer than any other pity parties, they are loud and everyone knows about it, and I expect gifts- of attention or chocolate chip cookie dough. The choice is yours.
It's a side of me I keep hidden from others. Not in way that I never show it. I hide it the same way I hide that I hate my chub some days or my extra hair I have to deal with- I joke away the frustration. But, when you get to really know me, you get to see the pity be released like a floodgate. I think a lot of us are this way, and it's healthier than bottling that all up and never releasing it.
During the beginning of my divorce, as in the first 2 weeks of not being with John, I was well beyond a pity party. I was in a pity rager. There was a mosh pity (see what I did there), pity shots, thrown up pity on the carpet... you saw me and you saw tears trailed behind me like a cartoon slug.
I would call people in rounds. Tiffany Jarrett, Tiffany Willis, my mom, Dawn Brown, repeat. The two Tiffany's took turns babysitting me for a while because I was too much of a mess to even be alone. I was pitiful, no pun intended.
I cannot forget my aunts, either. I kept the situation on the down low for a while, but my aunts Jill and Missy were the first to know after my mom and sisters. I needed all the backup I could find. They both wrapped me in love and were a listening ear anytime I needed.
Missy called me the first Saturday after I told her about the whole situation to tell me she wanted to go do something. She had mentioned the Salt Caves in White Sulfur Springs (which will have it's own blog), and I felt like that was going to be an amazing experience for myself.
I was right, and I was so thankful for the experience. She even bought me a salt lamp, and it helped me relax in home in my own room when I felt like the walls were going to come crashing down. It was a life changer, to be honest.
We went out to eat and shoe shop after we went to the cave. We ate at the Fujiyama in Lewisburg because we are both suckers for Japanese food. When our waitress came to the table, I was in tears talking to Missy about my divorce. The waitress complimented me on my leggings. I thanked her and told her that I was a representative for the company and it was only $10 to sell; I gave the whole business plan to her basically, in a non-pushy, I-Have-Done-This-For-Years way that I always do. She wanted my business card, so I walked out to the car to grab her one.
While I was outside, the waitress told Missy she was recently divorced and excited. She told her that the legging business could be good for her to make a little extra money since she was now on her own. My aunt explained my situation and how I was not happy to be getting divorced, and the girl said she understood completely.
As the meal went on, we were preparing to get our bill and leave when the waitress came back out. She sat down a banana covered in tempura, whipped topping, and chocolate. I hadn't ordered a dessert, and neither had Missy. The waitress explained that she knew I was going through a hard time, it was going to get better, and she hoped that the dessert would cheer me up.
To be honest, I don't think I have ever experienced that sort of kindness from a complete stranger. Until that point, I had spent my whole life being that stranger for others. I had "paid it forward" so many times because I genuinely enjoyed it, and I never thought I would be in need of a kindness like that in my life. That act of kindness was a genuine highlight in my divorce process. That day, the whole day, was the first good day I had since John had left me. It was the first day I could look up and see that there was light in the darkness.
It was refreshing, for some reason, to hear someone I didn't know tell me things were going to be alright. She had no alternate agenda. She wasn't telling me things would be okay because she loved me and wanted to believe it would be. She didn't tell me things would be okay because she felt bad for leaving me. She was telling me things would be okay because she was me, just months ahead. And she was right. As much as I appreciated everything my family and friends were doing, this random stranger changed my whole mindset. She impacted me in a way I didn't know I needed.
There were moments I felt so hopeless and alone, and God would send that little push to remind me it wasn't my time to give up just yet. This was one of those moments- the whole day was in all honesty. Another day was when the same girl showed up in a mutual friend's status about Fuji. We got reconnected, and it lifted me up for even just one more day. Sometimes we have to live moment to moment like that, like good moments are highs and we are riding the high out until our next fix.
There isn't much to this blog except me documenting a really beautiful moment. But, I think that giving when your heart flutters and your stomach has that warm feeling can literally change a person's life. It did for me, and I hope that when I give without any intention of receiving a life is changed in the process, too.
Do you have any pay it forward stories to share? Post them below or in the Facebook comments!
No comments:
Post a Comment