Sunday Sit-Down: "Follow Your Arrow"

Ah, I needed this blog day like I need a fresh breath of air! This week has been hectic, exciting, heartbreaking, and conflicting. So, naturally, I am more than excited to sit down and explore a new song with you all!

Music gets me through the most difficult times of my life, and this week it is no different. I find myself constantly having Google play Hobo Johnson, Khalid, Kacey Musgraves, Nirvana, anything and everything to get through life. Sometimes we have weeks like that, and we just have to shake it off and keep going knowing the future has something great planned for us.

This week, Tiffany finally pushed me to sit down and listen to her favorite Kacey Musgraves song, "Follow Your Arrow", and of course I loved it. I have been on a journey of self discovery lately, and I have been taking my friends and family along with me. I have dropped bombs here and there on them about my sexuality, my recreational activities, and my plans for my future. I am so blessed to have the family and friends I do encouraging me to figure out my path.

With that being said, let's jump right in!

If you save yourself for marriage

You're a bore

If you don't save yourself for marriage

You're a whore-able person

If you won't have a drink

Then you're a prude

But they'll call you a drunk

As soon as you down the first one

Welcome to life: where everyone decides what you should and shouldn't do, and everyone is entitled to believe their opinion on your life is the only one that matters.

It sounds harsh, but I see the truth in it more and more every day. Don't get me wrong, there are people who genuinely just want to help you by giving life experience stories. That is lovely, and there is no judgement or shame from that advice..

But then there's the rest of the world. Proof of this started at the very beginning of my divorce. It's always like that with something seemingly disastrous. I was told to save my marriage, I was told to screw John over, and I was told to hold out and see God's plan. All the advice was seemingly from a place of love, but I wanted to figure life out on my own and had so much pressure coming from everywhere to do it one way or the other.

If I said a cuss word, I got looks of shock. If I said I was dating, I got words of warning. If I said I was trying to save my marriage, I got discouraging words and looks of disgust. I drank so I was a wash up, and if I decided to not drink for once I was boring. There was really no winning with anyone.

If you can't lose the weight

Then you're just fat

But if you lose too much

Then you're on crack

You're damned if you do

And you're damned if you don't

So you might as well just do

Whatever you want

 Damned if you do, and damned if you don't. That is divorce in a nutshell. Not just divorce though, it's also marriage, life, relationships, etc. No matter what choices we make in life, there will always be critics. There is always going to be that one person hiding in the depths to point out your flaws. That's how life works, and I've seen that it especially works that way when you're from a small town. People are bored, and that means you're their new project. Because why not?

I have heard so many times after the divorce, "You look so good! You've lost weight!" The looks were happy, and still are, but at first this concerned me. I was losing weight because I was depressed. How is that a wonderful thing? I couldn't understand it, but I eventually just went along with the joy. Because why not?

In the end, I learned that there were people who would tell me to live my life the way they think life should be. That doesn't necessarily mean that people live based on what they found to work for themselves. Normally, people tell you to live the way they WISHED they had. Vicariously through you is the safest way for them to live that dream. I've done it, so I get that.

If you don't go to church

You'll go to hell

If you're the first one

On the front row

You're a self-righteous

Son of a-

Can't win for losing

You just disappoint 'em

Just 'cause you can't beat 'em

Don't mean you should join 'em

This one is a little more personal and touchy for me. The biggest change, other than the kids having to move, that I discovered through the divorce was my church attendance and participation. Pre-divorce I was the youth leader, a worship singer occasionally, in the choir, an AWANA leader, and anything the church needed I would be there. I was running ragged between home and church life, and it put a damper on my personality and mood.

I slowly started to realize that I needed to step back from church leadership a bit, and the decision wasn't something I took lightly. I prayed, talked to Mom, talked to Chris, talked to Tiff, and finally made the decision to be there for myself first and foremost. I couldn't lead kids to be themselves while showing people the love of Christ when I didn't know myself.

I asked for the "perfect" sign to know it was time, and I got that when the preacher's wife informed me she believed dating while still being technically married would cause someone to stumble since I was in a leadership position. I had no anger toward her, because she was right, and I knew then that God needed me to remove myself from the situation. I also knew it was the right choice because I felt the biggest relief and weight lifted when the final decision was made.

Make lots of noise

Kiss lots of boys

Or kiss lots of girls

If that's something you're into

When the straight and narrow

Gets a little too straight

Roll up the joint, or don't

Just follow your arrow

Wherever it points, yeah

Follow your arrow

Wherever it points

 I saved the chorus for last on purpose. This section is packed with so much importance. I don't want to rush and miss any part of it. In fact, a lot of this talks about what I have discovered about my personality in the last few months.

I am loud sometimes. I get excited, and I can't contain it. I laugh too loud; I make a shrill noise when I get too excited. I can't contain myself when I get overly happy, and whoever is with me shouldn't be constantly complaining about that sort of pure joy coming from me. I make lots of noise. I won't allow someone to put a damper on a joyful part of my life anymore.

I want to explore the dating world. I want to kiss lots of boys... or lots of girls if I feel like it that day. Because that's something I'm into. Does that mean I go looking for boys and girls to kiss? Nah, I don't want that. I want to just live life and go with the flow. Real hippie crap, I know.

Sometimes the straight and narrow makes you feel claustrophobic, and it makes you question yourself, "Why can *insert name here* live her life this way and be happy but I can't?" That's the thing though, your arrow is your own. Your life path may not be the same as 80% of your graduating class, and that's okay. You don't have to be them. You have to be you. I have to be Britiany and to do that I have to find out who Britiany is exactly.

I never got far with that when I cared what people thought of me. I was too worried my mom would hate me, my aunts would be disappointed, my new relationship would crumble, or my friendships would break. But do you know what I have found through this all? I am honest with my mom, and she gives me advice to help not to hurt. My aunts and I are closer than we have ever been through this. I learned a relationship that thrives is with someone who encourages you to do anything that makes you truly joyous, even if that's something absolutely ridiculous or slightly idiotic. Also, the real friendships in life stick by you and lift you up through the crazy times. They protect, lead, and watch you grow. When you fall apart, they glue you back together. I get a little sappy about my friends clearly...

So my unsolicited advice (unless you came here looking for my crazy advice) is to be yourself. Drink a beer if you want, and smoke a joint if it pleases you (but you didn't get that advice from me if you live in a state where it's illegal). Kiss a girl if you think she's hot, or make out with strictly dickly. Either is fine, and it's hurting no one. Go to church or don't. Follow that arrow in the direction you want it pointed, and don't stop for anyone. You are the only one who has your own back in this world, and don't ever forget that.

What are your thoughts on the song or my life lessons I've learned? I would love to hear about it here or on Facebook!