Either way, there is always some Achilles heel attached to a person waiting to be struck. Some people hate the word "faggot" while others embrace it, some people use the "N" word freely while others cringe or strike out at the sound. I have heard women call each other "bitch" and laugh together, but I have seen women throw fists over the same exact nickname. We all have our breaking points, and mine is being called "religious".
I wish I could say it's something that has gotten easier over time, but I would be lying. There is implications to the adjective that some may not hear, but I know them and I hate them. I despise the image that pops in the minds of the majority of the world's population when they hear, "She is extremely religious." I cringe. My face is in a permanent scowl as I write this.
I have many reasons for why I can't stand this label, but I truly believe the most important one is Jesus would probably hate the religious stigma we pass around today. Don't get me wrong, I know that Jesus likes PARTS of religious expectations, but I would be lying if I said he wouldn't flip tables when he saw some of the ridiculous actions "Christians" make today.
I want to say, first of all, I don't write this as a judgement to anyone. This is based solely on what I have experienced and believe with my whole soul. I often tell the people who speak to me about "feeling the Holy Spirit" that it's a warming sensation in your chest and stomach. When I talk about it, I mention the first time God called someone to become saved. It's an overwhelming warmth in your chest, your stomach feels it deep inside, your emotions heighten, and you can feel in your heart it's time to step forward and make a change. I feel this way when I see a child be saved, a baptism, hear a worship song filled with soul, or ask God for guidance and He gives me a clear answer.
I also feel this when I speak about hating the term "religious". I feel very firmly, in my heart, that it is not a term I want attached to me. I feel it's demeaning, a form of intimidation at times, and it's a wall others build around someone who believes in something they do not so that they do not take part in it. It's a defense mechanism, and I hate it. Hate is a strong word, but I truly mean it in this sense.
I want to explore the different characteristics attached to the term today, and I want to explain why I truly believe I don't fall under them. Honestly, this entire post is probably more for me than anyone, and I am okay with that. I feel like, for my own sanity, I need to explore the subject.
You say religious, but you mean homophobic.
My first negative connotation to the word religious has to deal with judgement. I remember when I met a guy I really liked for the first time, and he made an offhanded joke about supporting a company that felt the need to hate a human's basic right to love when we went to Chic Fil A. I remember being so taken back by it that I really didn't have a witty response. I replied, "I purchase from a lot of companies whose personal beliefs I don't agree with."
The answer must have been somewhat acceptable because he dropped it, for a while, and we got delicious chicken. It got me to start thinking, though. I had never once mentioned my religious beliefs in great detail to this man. He knew, based on my profile and Facebook, that I claimed to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. I am very vocal about that, and I feel no shame for it. I am assuming he saw that and filled in the blanks of my beliefs as if it were a MadLib. I think many people do this when they hear someone profess faith in Jesus.
So the question at hand is, "Why?" Why do people hear "Christ" and think "homophobic"? I think the answer is pretty self explanatory. The majority of "religious/Christians" tend to present themselves as anti-gay. When people hear you're a Christian, they think of their gay brother, best friend, or favorite coworker. Who can blame them? Every person I know has a person they love who identifies as gay/lesbian/bi/etc.
Our society has become more accepting of what our ancestors deemed "wrong" or "inappropriate". Now, we learn the people we love are in love with someone of the same sex and we go "Oh, cool. I still love you the same." This is terrific to me. I have never been one to think we should be rude or demeaning to someone based on how they live their lives. Why would I want such a miserable job?
"But what about what the Bible says? It's wrong for man to lay with man." Okay, cool. It's also wrong for me to cuss, drink, smoke, have tattoos, or wear clothing made of multiple types of threads. Guess what? I have done every single one of those. I should probably tell you here that I believe a person's walk and convictions with God vary based on what God needs to speak to them at the time. There are things I will do or say that will not convict me. There are things my brother, mother, or sister will say or do that will convict me and not them. It's how our minds work. Actually, it's how any relationship works.
Take a look at all the different types of relationships in the world. Monogamy, polygamy, a-sexual. Every person holds a different view on what is "normal" in a relationship. What are the rules? What can and can't I do? It's different for everyone. I think in the same way, we face our sins differently with God. He works on us in the way He needs to. There are homosexuals who say God convicted them and they saw the sin in their life and changed. There are some homosexuals who never feel the conviction despite prayers to God. It isn't about us, them, and God. It's a single call between them and God, and we try to make it a landline three way. Why do we feel the need?
What I'm trying to say is, I hate the term religious because it implies I don't love my gay best friend, his boyfriend, my gay friends from high school, or even Ellen DeGeneres because they're gay. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I believe Jesus came to Earth and showed us exactly how we should treat others. I never once saw him take matters related to convicting sinners into his own hands. In fact, I saw him sit with sinners and tell them about Grace. Grace is the focus.
You say religious, but you mean hypocrite.
This next one is major for me. I can't stand the word "hypocrite" when it is used so loosely in our society. I try to keep my use of the word to a bare minimum. I read a study years ago that talked about how every person in the world has flaws and failures, thus being a "hypocrite" is inevitable. What makes a true hypocrite? I'm not sure there is any answer that gives a black and white look at the question.
To me, a hypocrite is someone who preaches nonstop about a subject only to turn around and do it in private. It's that simple, in my opinion. Have I been a hypocrite before? Absolutely, I have had a moment of hypocrisy in my life. It's inevitable as a human, like I said before. However, I do not think that every person who carries their cross (that's a nice Bible reference for you all) is necessarily a hypocrite.
I believe that the vast majority of those who hold a relationship with Christ are not avid hypocrites. There. I said it, and I meant it. Personally, I don't spend my time preaching to everyone how awful, wrong, or ignorant they are about their personal beliefs. I see no point in any of that. I decide, instead, to live my life for Christ and allow people to see Grace through my heart and actions.
I want people to know I love Christ based on my selflessness, love, and generosity. I don't need to go around saying, "YOU REALLY SHOULD NOT DO THAT YOU KNOW! LOOK AT WHAT I AM DOING!!" There are so many reasons why I don't do that, but the most important one is I mess up all the time. Every single day I sin, we all do. That is the whole reason for Christ. God got tired of the dead animals piling up and nothing changing, and He wanted to be able to love us one-on-one not one-to Moses- to Aaron-to one. He was ready for a change, and He has given us the opportunity to be in a relationship through this.
Christ would be a moot point if it were not for sins and failures. We need to stop pointing out the failures in others to break this image of hypocritical goodie two shoes that "religious" carries. I for one am tired of Christ being a word that brings a look of disgust on the faces of people I care about.
You say religious, but you mean boring.
This is one of my least favorites. In fact, I truly believe this stigma had a lot to do with the ending of my marriage (it was many issues, obviously, but this had a big part of it). When someone hears about a relationship with Christ taking forerunner in my life, they think I must be the most boring person they will ever talk to. I personally think I am pretty fun. In fact, I know my fella and my friends have told me I am before.
Why do we have to be boring to be Christ's bridegroom? I just don't understand the relation. I think Christ had a sense of humor, and I think he had fun. I think when he looked at the woman at the well and said, "Yeah, you don't have a husband. You've had MANY. Now listen to me, crazy," he probably laughed until his sides hurt when he retold the story later on. I laugh when I read it, anyways. It's funny. We are humans, we make mistakes, and they're funny to reflect on.
I try to focus on humor in my life more than anything. I try to go out, have fun, and explore. Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness. Sometimes church isn't in a building; sometimes it's out in the world. I don't want to be bored by my faith. I think my faith should be an action. I should be out helping, hands-on, and I should be an example of Jesus with us, not Jesus is better than us.
I don't want to be viewed as boring because I pray, meditate, or read my Bible. I do those things for joy, peace, and growth. My life should be a good example of that joy, peace, and growth in action.
Also, I don't know if you've ever been to a Contemporary Christian concert, but they are far from boring. In fact, Tiffany went so hard at Winterjam when Skillet performed that she threw out a rib and lost her cellphone. I just don't understand why we think a relationship with Christ has to be boring. We have so many fun, phenomenal artists in the Christian community like KB, Andy Mineo (my personal favorite), Skillet, for KING & COUNTRY, and so many great other artists breaking the walls that boxed in what Christian music "had" to be. Churches are evolving their music selection to appeal to a younger audience. Things are shifting to show that Christ does not equal boring, bland, or unappealing to the world. There is truly no reason that someone has to be viewed as boring based on their personal belief system.
You say religious, but you mean pious.
This is a true story, and I still am shocked it ever happened. When I first started to date after John left me, there was a man I saw on a dating app I had that was so cute! We had a lot in common, and I "swiped right" to take a chance. I didn't think we would match, to be honest. I was really hard on myself back then. But, we did. He reached out to me and told me how cute I was and how I seemed like a great girl, but he was "a sinner that has fallen far from grace. You deserve a great guy who would be by your side, but I'm just not right for the job." He told me that he felt unworthy. Ouch.
What happened to the "religious" world that others feel they aren't good enough to be in our presence? I hate to think I ever gave off that persona to someone I've met. I have always been the girl that genuinely got along with every person she was introduced to. I try to make a connection with people. I find it's important to connect in order to break down walls we built for ourselves. I have had people connect to me when I wanted no part in it as an adolescent, and they helped me grow exponentially. I want to be sure I never miss the opportunity to do the same.
Naturally, when someone who didn't even know me assumed I was "too religious" for him and deserved someone else it upset me. I instantly tried to connect with him in a way to get past whatever someone set up to block him from Christ. That was the real issue here. Someone, somewhere, claimed to put Christ's love first and then told this man he wasn't good enough for Christ. Why do we feel the need? If he isn't worthy, neither am I. It's true. None of us are. But why do we feel the need to remind one another? I don't see that as a commandment in my Bible, but what do I know?
We have to cool it on the holier than thou crap. It's clearly making issues and reflecting badly on other followers of Christ, and worse it's reflecting negatively on Christ himself. My beliefs do not make me more important or better than any other person in this world. I am not self-righteous, holier than thou, or any other adjective related to the two. No one who claims to love Christ should be, and if they are someone needs to knock them down off their high horse.
You say religious, but you mean anti-feminist.
This one has multiple layers to it, of course, but the first issue I have with saying I am religious during a discussion of feminism is believing I am a picketing, big mouthed, sexist. A lot of people like to use the Bible's lesson on wives submitting themselves to their husbands as a way to deem Christians as idiotic, backwards, and outdated. I personally think that, out of context, this verse could be used for so many things.
Personally, I have seen some "religious" men use it for their own advantage. That's sick, foul, disgusting... The list goes on and on. Out of context though, who could argue a commandment from the Lord? Turns out, the whole lesson has to do with respect, having a godly man run a household, and the woman also having a high rank in the heart of her husband. There are layers to the lesson, not just the top piece of icing.
Another issue I have with "religious" being anti-feminist is assuming I would go out to picket Planned Parenthood and throw red paint on those who have had abortions. This is ludicrous to me. I may not believe the way others do on abortion, but I am not ignorant enough to believe I am the only one entitled to an opinion. I am also not so ignorant that I think getting rid of legal abortions altogether would benefit the women of the world. I understand that women had abortions before the medical practice, and I understand the danger that put them all in. I get the necessity, despite my beliefs being against it.
Also, my beliefs on abortion have nothing to do with my relationship with Christ. I don't use my religion as a basis for an argument like that. I have learned over the years that arguing, first of all, accomplishes nothing. Furthermore, though, arguing and using a faith that others do not believe in the argument benefits no one. It especially doesn't benefit Christ. I see no reason to try and convict someone for an action that does not directly affect me. We have to stop using the Bible as a machine gun to take down those we don't always agree with, it's getting Christ nowhere.
You say religious, but you mean Republican.
Let me start out by saying I do not judge someone on their political stance. As long as you have a sound reason for your beliefs, it's not my job to tell you any different. People will always, always have various beliefs. In the same sense, it shouldn't come as a surprise to see so many millennials registering as "Independent". I know it's not the vast majority, but I for one have never felt the need to strictly vote with one party. What is the point of freedom if my freedom to change my mind and vote for someone outside of one party is stripped from me?
Here's the thing, from my personal experience, that I try to tell everyone looking to vote for the first time. You will never find a person who you agree with 100%. Never. You will disagree. Maybe it won't be about abortion, gay rights, or deportation. Maybe it will be about snow, mayonnaise, or pickles. Whatever the case may be, no two people are identical. That's why I choose to be independent. Have I voted Republican before? Yes. I have also voted Democratic (but really it was more Liberal than anything). I have no shame for either choice. I will always vote for who I believe stands for the majority of what I want done in this country.
So, I don't like when I meet someone and they learn I love Christ and say, "So you must like Trump, right?" I have never been a fan, and I have been honest with everyone about that. It's just my personal beliefs. I also don't feel the need to stand and debate about my beliefs with others. If someone supports Trump, I can disagree without trying to change their mind. Trying to change their mind would do no good. The same goes for someone not supporting Trump and me arguing to get them to change.
Christians, "religious" freaks like me I guess, should not be pinned to the stigma of crazy, gray haired Republican. Why have we allowed this to happen? We can be Republican, Green Party, Liberal, Democratic, etc. We don't need to make a butt of ourselves to prove a point to others. Wow, I feel like a broken record in this blog entry!
You say religious, but you mean bigot or racist.
One of worst stigmas pinned to a Christian is being a bigot. I was raised in a very tolerant home, both in our beliefs and with races. I was not raised to buck up when someone believed differently than me, and I also thought that my aunt's best friend (who was African American) was my aunt by blood most of my life. That's just how we were. We didn't look at the differences in people; we were taught to look at their hearts.
So, yes, bigot and racist make me want to cry and throw up simultaneously. But, I would be foolish to say "religious" folks haven't brought this on themselves. Look at our actions when faced with differences. I see arguments on my newsfeed daily about various topics including abortion, gay marriage, gun rights, etc. that have "religious" people arguing with Bible verses to prove a point they don't have. What I mean is, people don't change their minds based on the slurs thrown at them from an opposing party. They make their opinions based on circumstances, personal experiences, and often times where they were shown kindness.
As for racist, I see it all the time. Possibly the most racist experience of my life happened between me and a man who claims to be very religious. He once commented a racial slur on my status, and I replied telling him how incredibly racist and disgusting it was. He simply said, "I am not racist. I love black people. I think everyone should own at least one." I was shocked. I had never in my life experienced this sort of hostility toward someone based on the color of their skin.
I went on to hear the same man spit out multiple other racial biases, and no one in his family seemed to want to say a word to him other than one of his sons out of 5 kids total. He's fighting the good fight. It should also be said that son doesn't believe in Christ's sacrifice for our sins. Is that a coincidence? I highly doubt it, but that is neither here nor there. The point I am trying to make is we cannot confess how Grace and Love abound in our beliefs and then sit and be so disgusting. I would hate for white Jesus to hear you say such nasty things about someone from the Middle East...
Speaking of the Middle East, I do not hate or judge someone based on their Muslim/Islamic beliefs. In fact, I am fascinated about learning what they believe, their customs, and their culture. I am not ignorant enough to believe that everyone in a belief system is as bad as the extremists. That would be like trying to call a Christian the KKK, Westboro Baptist Church members, or "religious", am I right? *mic drop*
You say religious, and I hear different.
If you're friends with me on Facebook, you saw my poll asking those who follow a faith to let me know how they felt about the descriptor "religious". When I posted it, I thought for sure everyone would rally onto my side. Boy, I had another thing coming.
The poll was pretty straight forward: does it bother you when someone calls you religious? The answers were mostly indifferent, but there were a few who were bothered by the thought. I posted it to two different groups I am apart of including a group for Chrisitan women with depression and a group called "Geeks Under Grace Community". I don't know how much response I got from the first one, but the second group always has my back. They responded not just by clicking the answer I provided, but by explaining to me why they chose the way they did.
One of the first commenters said, "Hey, if someone picks up on the fact that I'm "religious", maybe they'll also pick up on why that is. #ChristInMe"
I was actually stopped in my tracks, to be honest. I hadn't looked at it like that, but it makes sense. I would rather them see something different about me than nothing.. But at the same time, I want that something different to be positive and not negative.
I asked my mom her thoughts on it, and without me telling her the commenter's views she said, basically, the same exact thing. She mentioned how sometimes her coworkers or friends will cuss and apologize to her, and she will tell them they don't have to be sorry to her. She has no right to judge them. She doesn't abstain from cussing for others; she does it for her relationship with Christ. There you have it, another reason my mom is amazing.
I plan on making a post on the opposite side of this stance. There has to be some positive connotations behind the word "religious", right? We will see!
What do you think about being called religious? I'd love to hear it below or in the Facebook comments!
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