a want

i think you really want me

it first appears as lust

Nails ripping at my clothing

Fingers gripped around my neck

Your hands search my body for something unspoken

I’m starting to go mad

My brain 

won’t.stop.meticulously 

reading 

every 

single 

page

Of every word you’ve ever said 

Every action you’ve taken 

Has a 500 page manual 

Of what could and could not be 

Inside your mind, your soul

I think you really want me

Sometimes I think it’s love

The way you brush a stray hair 

Sending shivers down my being

My heart bursts to life with every whisper

The fact 

That you’d take a millisecond

Out of our ever-changing, unapologetic 

Trip to death 

To remind me how much

You own every dark corner 

of my soul Blooms hope from the ashesOf an inferno fueled by abuses Dressed up to look like adoration 

I think you really want me 

Or at the very leastSometimes I think you want meAlone

The way you build up my walls

Reminding me of your presence 

Just lurking, pantingwaiting for my fall

They call it falling and I know it’s true

Because everyFUCKINGsecond 

All I’ve done is hurt myself on you 

You demolished my foundation 

To rebuild what you desired

To leave me alone 

With no way out

Of this bottomless pit of self doubt

I think you really want me 

But do you want me alive?