for what

bones pop one by one as a morning stretch shivers down my spine

my hand reaches to my right

for what?

I know it’s empty 

it’s just that every single sunrise 

I slowly squint each eye open 

one by one 

and soak in the morning rays while i remember

the backbreaking years of 

carrying every burden id bare for love 

articulating every word I’ve ever said

rethinking every passion my soul has flourished

planning every moment of joy between 

me and the next person who promises love 

for what 

for those first 5 months of those beautiful butterflies 

swarming from the pit of my stomach 

to the tip of my tongue 

bursting from my mouth as a soft 

‘I love you’?

for those 2 years after the honeymoons end 

when we eat in opposite corners

of our one bedroom condo 

with 10 yards and a million lies between us?

I love you slips only from my lips then, too 

because you don’t 

because apparently that stops for some people 

I wish I could be some people 

for what?