24 Year Old Date Virgin

Dating.

It's new to me, especially since I married out of high school and only recently divorced. Dating in high school was different. You said you were dating, you ate beside each other at lunch, and sometimes you went to the dance together. What else did you do? Virtually nothing if neither of you had a car. Every now and then you talked your mom into taking you to the movies, but a date isn't actually a date when your mom is sitting 5 rows back snoring during Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and she paid for your ticket into the theater. Too specific? Probably.

Marrying out of high school has ups and downs, obviously, and I have always heard negatives about it. I fought the stereotype for as long as I could, but ultimately I became part of a statistic along with the other 54% of high school sweethearts that ended in divorce. One weird result of my earlier life decisions is the fact that I am 24 years old and have never been taken out on a real date.

What's a real date, anyways? I am sure the definitions and scenarios will change depending on who you ask. To me, a real date is someone asking you out, picking you up (or meeting you there if distance is an issue), planning the entire night, and paying for it. It's not two people arguing about where to eat tonight or what movie to watch. A traditional, old school style date.

Why is this so foreign now? I think that technology has taken a lot of the traditional aspects I sometimes seek in dating. I have a friend who use to often tell me Disney and society ruined my views on romance, but I truly feel he's wrong in believing that. I don't want a prince to swoop in and take me away on a white horse.

I want traditional aspects in my dating life because I have seen the love my grandparents found through that style, and although I am sure you can find love and companionship through other avenues, I don't want that for myself. I want someone who puts in the time and effort to woo me in even the smallest ways, and I truly feel I deserve that effort because I am willing to give the same amount of love back to that person.

So, here I am: a 24 year old woman who's not been on a real date. Sometimes, I'm offered a date or I am asked out, but before the day comes I am asked for nudes, sexting, or to go all the way. Why have we made it so easy to be sexual before we are intimate? Anymore, a mind isn't worth a dollar to someone and nudes are shared like trading cards. Technology has ruined anticipation and imagination.

What would I even want as a date? I am an independent woman, mostly, and I try not to ask others for help. So what would I gain from a date where I am catered?

First of all, I would gain a sense of respect from the person who is pining after me. It's one thing to tell me you think I am hot, sexy, or whatever else you choose to describe my looks. It's another thing to want to sit down and pick my brain. It's sexy, to me, to see that you want to know what I am thinking or what brings a smile on my face. I want someone to have a genuine interest in me, and a date can be a good kick start to all of that.

Also, a date shows a genuine desire for something more than physical attraction. I'm over hookups and men talking to me just to try and get me into the closest available bed. I want someone I can lean on when I have a bad day or call up to vent. A date is a good way to show interest in a person, not just in their body.

Maybe those first two go hand in hand, but they hold different meanings to me. I can have a friend with benefits, but they would never take me on a date like that. An intimate date setting is a whole new level of interest in my mind.

I would gain a new sense of intimacy. There's something about being out with someone and showing them genuine affection, not caring that others are around, that means more to me than I knew before. I am not saying full on PDA is a necessity, that's gross. But holding hands, putting a hand on a knee, or leaning in to one another is a beautiful thing between two people who want to really see each other. I'm cheesy, I know, but I think there is beauty in raw intimacy like that.

Clearly I didn't write this blog to have a pity party. I don't think that being my age and never being on a real date is necessarily a BAD thing. It's just the cards I've been dealt. I also don't think a real date has to be a five star restaurant or anything spectacular to show off to everyone around you.

A real date can be simple. Honestly, I would be thrilled if a guy planned an evening of Chic Fil A and stargazing or ice cream sundaes at a local shop. The location isn't the major investment, it's the person that really matters. It's the time and thought that goes into the date that makes the date real and sentimental.

I don't know if I know how to act on a date, to be honest. Although I am outgoing by nature, I become very intimidated when I am around someone I like. I remember how long it took me to be comfortable around my most recent fling, and even to this day there are things I haven't said or done while he is around.

I've always been a little scared of a date setting. What would I say or do? It worries me a little, but not enough to never want that experience. I am worried about what to eat so that I don't get something all over me and make a fool of myself, but not enough to never want to see what my date chooses to eat out of all the options available. I'm strangely excited to face that sort of intimidation.

I'm sure one day you'll see a blog about a first date, or you won't because it'll be intimate to me and someone who adores me. Until then, I'm signing off. Keep smiling, ya'll.